How to become a good listener

How to become a good listener

Listening is easy, isn’t it? All we need to do is pay attention, picture what the speaker is saying, maintain eye contact, not interrupt and parrot back what we heard to ensure understanding. Well, this could help us with pretending that we are listening, but would we really be a good listener?

Have you ever thought of what it takes to become a good listener?

How leaders and managers listen with empathy and mindfulness every time they communicate with their team?

The simple answer is they stay fully present and they utilise their social skills fully. Of course, under the hood, there are many more things that contribute to their effective listening skills.

Lots of people try to listen effectively, but very few get success. A lot of young as well as experienced managers are not great listeners. During conversations, they would either lose patience very soon or become defensive or judgemental, and then end up hijacking the conversation.

Effective listening is the need for all managers today. Listening paves way for earning the trust of the team, keeping employees more engaged, fostering the discovery of new ideas, managing difficult people and situations, and enhancing emotional well-being at work.


5 Useful Tips On How You Can Listen To Your People A Little Bit Better


Very frankly, nobody likes working with leaders and managers who don’t have the knack of listening.

Time and again, research has shown that effective listening is required for effective leadership. Also, people are more interested and willing to cooperate with bosses who are good listeners.

On that account, here are 5 useful tips to help you become a good listener so you can routinely listen to others and their different viewpoints calmly, without losing your cool.

You can, as a result, make the workplace environment less challenging, less stressed, more secure, and more fun. And most likely, your team won’t feel like the management just neither cares nor listens!


1. Be purposeful while listening


There is a huge difference between effective listening and just hearing. Anyone can go into conversation with someone and have a lot of things to say. But only a few have the intention and desire for listening.

If you really want to become a good listener, start by identifying the end goal you are trying to get from actively listening to the other person or a group of people.

Unless you find your answer to ‘why you are listening?’, you will not find a way to make listening more effective.

So, set clear intentions beforehand.

To give you some ideas, here’s a list of objectives or reasons why efficient leaders and managers usually engage in deliberate listening at the workplace-

    • To encourage positive social interaction without being in a hurry
    • To make people feel valued and engaged
    • To hear suggestions or recommendations patiently while working on what’s in the best interest of the company
    • To handle grievances
    • To confront or understand a point of view you reflexively want to deny
    • To help people feel better when they are feeling overwhelmed
    • To build bonds and develop a sense of community
    • To coach the team members


2. Empty your mind before having a conversation


To be a good listener, get rid of your expectations and adopt the mindset of curiosity before having any conversation.

When we attach expectations and conversations do not go as we expected, listening becomes painful, frustrating, and difficult to follow through.

So, never enter a conversation with a preconceived notion or expectation of how the conversation should be. Subsequently, it will be easy for you to actively listen, understand and appreciate points of view that are very different from your way of thinking.

Here’s what I recommend you do to clear and quiet your mind and lay the foundation for becoming a deliberate listener-

Before you participate in any conversation, take a moment of silence to pay attention to your thoughts and emotions. Just listen to yourself and fine-tune into where you are. Then, choose to let those preconceived thoughts and assumptions go to listen truly to the other person and be a good listener.


3. Resist the urge to interrupt


Even if what the other person says contains a lot of wrong perceptions, bitterness, anger, blame, prejudices, misunderstandings or accusation, do not interrupt before the person indicates that he or she is done for the moment. Continue listening deeply. See the whole person. And first, understand the issues that concern him or her.

Remember that you will have a chance later to offer some information so that the person can correct his or her perception, but not now. Now is the time only to listen.

If you try to interrupt or correct the other person while they are still speaking, you will transform the session into a debate and it will ruin everything.

So, refrain from putting your pennyworth in even if the person says things that are not right.

Only after you have deeply listened and allowed the other person to express everything in his or her heart, give a little of the information you must give to enhance their perception.


4. Clarify


Good listening requires being thoughtful about what the other person needs help with most. For this, you must listen from within their frame of reference. And that’s not easy.

So, do not stay muted as you make efforts to be a good listener. Instead, be clear so that you do not miss or misunderstand what is behind the words.

Needless to say, do not hijack the conversation or make the other person stop talking.

Here are some things that you must do to gain more clarity while listening-

    • Draw out thoughts and encourage the person to elaborate so that you can delve deeper into their thoughts and experiences, and become aware of their deepest needs and positive intentions.
    • Ask questions when you don’t get what they are saying. Otherwise, you will never be able to go there and really understand where the person is coming from.
    • Restate the issue, if required, to solidify your understanding.


5. Be present in the conversation


Pay full attention to what is going on for the other person, without judging or being judgemental.

While listening, most of the people hear the words as well as think simultaneously- is this right or wrong? Where do I agree or disagree? What am I going to say in response? etc. That is not good listening.

Instead, good listening is all about being a witness, not the judge of the other person’s experience.

So, be genuinely interested, committed, and engaged in the conversation. Also, be available and receptive emotionally as well as through your body language.

Consequently, you will not lose track of the conversation due to your judgments or assumptions. You will feel what the other person is saying and meaning. Also, if he or she begins displaying emotions, you will be ready to handle that.

Here are a few pointers to help you be more mindful and present while listening to others-

    • Neither judge what you hear the other person saying nor draw conclusions about the person.
    • Put aside your smartphone, iPad, or laptop to give 100% of your attention. And look at the person, even if he or she does not look back at you whilst speaking.
    • Be sensitive to their feelings. In case you find yourself drifting into the zone of evaluation and judgement, remind yourself of the purpose behind why you are listening. It will help you bring the focus back on the task of listening.
    • Ask good questions that help the other person delve deeper into their thoughts and experiences as well as lead the conversation in the direction of objectives you want to achieve from listening.

Wrapping Up


There are lots of factors that we need to consider when it comes to communicating with people, and effective listening is one of them.

The most successful leaders and managers really listen to their people.

So, you use the tips above, to become a better and more effective listener. And as a result, you will build more trust, instil higher job satisfaction, make your people feel valuable, and managing difficult people and situations easily and quickly.

Things to do in the first 30 days as a New Manager (Boss)

Things to do in the first 30 days as a New Manager (Boss)

This article offers useful tips on how you should spend the first 30 days as a new manager in order to build a strong foundation for more managerial successes in the future. It highlights the 5 strategic things you must do within one month of becoming a boss or manager of a team.


5 Useful Tips to Navigate the First 30 days as a New Manager


It is often said that when you become a new boss, your first 30 days are very crucial in the workplace. After all, not all the star performers can perform as well or maintain their star status after moving to a senior management role. 

So, how can you manage yourself more skilfully to step up the workplace challenges associated with a senior manager’s role?

The answer, I have found, begins with ensuring that you think, feel, speak, and behave at your best!

“Whether you are promoted from within the company, or you are new in the workplace, invest in discovering and fuelling-up your efficiency, and go full-steam on the long journey ahead. Do not waste your time, attention, and energy on things that don’t matter, and have the wisdom to know the difference.”

Here are some practical tips to help you drift through the first 30 days as a new manager successfully, and get going on the path to greater managerial success effortlessly.


1. Learn about your stakeholders.


Your stakeholders in the workplace are the interest groups and individuals that have ties with you and have wide-ranging expectations of you. They include your partners, team members, vendors and suppliers, customers, seniors, etc.

And regardless of what you do in your organization, your ultimate job is to fix their problems.

So, identity your stakeholders and know their expectations. Have a clear understanding of their mindset, needs, aspirations, and what they care about the most.

The insight you will get, as a result, will benefit you immensely. You will get a crisp and clear picture of the lenses that will be used to judge your performance in the workplace. And thus, you will have a better chance of succeeding in your role as a manager.


2. Find out how your team likes to be managed


Take some time to understand the preferred work style of all your team members. 

Not everyone has the same preferences. For example, some people enjoy frequent check-ins, and some like to be left alone.

So, catch the preferences, likes, and dislikes of your team members. And get to the pulse of the team before you pick up speed as a manager.

When you identify, in the first 30 days, what drives your team to do the work, it will be easy for you to get the team projects finished in time.


3. Ascertain your high-performance routine.


Being promoted to a new manager’s role and having people under your responsibility requires a worthwhile change in working style and routine.

Oftentimes, most of the emerging leaders and new bosses find themselves lagging behind on important projects. Consequently, they experience more stress at work. Also, they lose motivation in due course.

You can’t finish off your pending work within the snap of a finger, can you?

However, you can structure your day and activities in a way that relates to super-productivity.

So, experiment with different systems, and discover the most helpful routine that increases your personal efficiency and fuels your high performance.


4. Set quarterly goals for yourself.


Setting and completing quarterly goals is an effective way to build up momentum and organise your time and resources efficiently. So, establish specific desired outcomes for the next 90 days that will keep you on track to fulfil the organisation’s long term objectives.


5. Earn your team’s trust.


The best way to empower yourself as a leader and create an environment in which your team can flourish is to build trust and keep building it over and again.

Just like glue, the trust holds your relationship with your team together. Also, the team members feel safe to share their ideas with the managers whom they trust. So, make the best use of your soft-skills and gain your team’s trust.

The support you will gain in turn from your team members will help you immensely in the long run.